Gender, Courtship and Marriage

Gender is the range of physical, biological, mental and behavioral characteristics pertaining to, and differentiating between, masculinity and femininity. Depending on the context, the term may refer to biological sex (i.e. the state of being male, female or intersex), sex-based social structures (including gender roles and other social roles), or gender identity.

Sexologist John Money introduced the terminological distinction between biological sex and gender as a role in 1955. Before his work, it was uncommon to use the word gender to refer to anything but grammatical categories. However, Money's meaning of the word did not become widespread until the 1970s, when feminist theory embraced the concept of a distinction between biological sex and the social construct of gender. Today, the distinction is strictly followed in some contexts, especially the social sciences^[5][6] and documents written by the World Health Organization (WHO) In many other contexts, however, even in some areas of social sciences, the meaning of gender has undergone a usage shift to include sex or even to replace the latter word. Although this gradual change in the meaning of gender can be traced to the 1980s, a small acceleration of the process in the scientific literature was observed when, in 1993, the Food and Drug Administration started to use gender instead of sex. Gender is now commonly used even to refer to the physiology of non-human animals, without any implication of social gender roles

The social sciences have a branch devoted to gender studies. Other sciences, such as sexology and neuroscience, are also interested in the subject. While the social sciences sometimes approach gender as a social construct, and gender studies particularly do, research in the natural sciences investigates whether biological differences in males and females influence the development of gender in humans; both inform debate about how far biological differences influence the formation of gender identity.

Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage.

Courtship tradition

While the date is fairly casual in most European-influenced cultures, in some traditional societies, courtship is a highly structured activity, with very specific formal rules.
In some societies, the parents or community propose potential partners, and then allow limited dating to determine whether the parties are suited. In Japan, there is a such type of courtship called Omiai, with similar practices called "Xiangqin" in the Greater China Area.
Parents will hire a matchmaker to provide pictures and résumés of potential mates, and if the couple agrees, there will be a formal meeting with the matchmaker and often parents in attendance. The matchmaker and parents will often exert pressure on the couple to decide whether they want to marry or not after a few dates.
Courtship in the Philippines is one known complex form of courtship. Unlike what is regularly seen in other societies, it takes a far more subdued and indirect approach. It is complex in that it involves stages, and it is considered normal for courtship to last a year or longer. It is common to see the male showing off by sending love letters and love poems, singing romantic songs and buying gifts for the female. The parents are also seen as part of the courtship practice, as their approval is commonly needed before courtship may begin, or before the female gives the male an answer to his advances.
In more closed societies, courtship is virtually eliminated altogether by the practice of arranged marriages, where partners are chosen for young people, typically by their parents. Forbidding experimental and serial courtship and sanctioning only arranged matches is partly a means of guarding the chastity of young people and partly a matter of furthering family interests, which in such cultures may be considered more important than individual romantic preferences.
Over recent decades though, the concept of arranged marriage has changed or simply been mixed with other forms of dating, including Eastern and Indian ones; potential couples have the opportunity to meet and date each other before one decides on whether to continue the relationship or not.

Courtship in Modern People
In earlier 1800s, young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding a marriage partner, rather than for social reasons. In America, in the 1820s, the phrase "date" was most closely associated with prostitution. However, by the Jazz Age of the 1920s, dating for fun was becoming a cultural expectation, and by the 1930s, it was assumed that any popular young person would have lots of dates. This form of dating, though, was usually chaster than is seen today, since premarital sex was not considered the norm.
After the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, this "old-fashioned" form of dating waned in popularity. Couples became more likely to "hook up" or "hang out" with large groups than to go on an old-fashioned date, and frequently went from "hanging out" to an exclusive relationship without engaging in what their parents or grandparents might have called dating.
Also, in recent years traditional dating has evolved and taken on the metamorphic properties necessary to sustain itself in today's world. This can be seen in the rise in internet dating, speed dating or gradual exclusivity dating (a.k.a. slow dating). Some theorize that courtship as it was known to prior generations has seen its last days and the next closest thing is gradual exclusivity, where the partners respect and value each other's individual lives but still maintain the ultimate goal of being together even if time or space does not permit it now. Indeed, a recent phenomenon in British relationships has seen a growing number of couples express a desire for a courting stage. This has coincided with a growth in external influences on nascent relationships caused primarily by new social media. Thus, couples feel liberated to develop their bond without the pressure of outer agents. Studies of such relationships have shown this approach to be very successful in the medium to long term, with almost all couples flourishing and looking forward to many more years together.
Those who find their dating skills lacking may hire dating coaches. While traditional dating advice was given from ancient times on, the Internet made it possible for individuals (mostly men, as their social role in Western cultures requires more forwardness) to share their experience.

Courtship in social theory

Courtship is used by a number of theorists to explain gendering processes and sexual identity. Scientific research into courtship began in the 1980s after which time academic researchers started to generate theories about modern dating practices and norms. Both Moore and Perper found that, contrary to popular beliefs, courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women,^[3][4] driven mainly by non-verbal behaviours to which men respond.

This is generally supported by other theorists who specialise in the study of body language.^[5] There are some feminist scholars, however, who regard courtship as a socially constructed (and male-led) process organised to subjugate women. Farrell reports, for example, that magazines about marriage and romantic fiction continue to attract a 98% female readership. Systematic research into courtship processes inside the workplace as well two 10-year studies examining norms in different international settings continue to support a view that courtship is a social process that socialises both sexes into accepting forms of relationship that maximise the chances of successfully raising children. Whilst this may negatively impact women, particularly those seeking independence and equality at work, it is argued that the majority of negative impacts accrue to men in the form of shorter life-expectancy, higher rates of suicide, alcoholism, homelessness and imprisonment.

Marriage

Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.^[1] The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered a cultural universal. A broad definition of marriage includes those that are monogamous, polygamous, same-sex and temporary.

People marry for many reasons, including: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious. Who they marry may be influenced by socially determined rules of incest, prescriptive marriage rules, parental choice and individual desire. In many parts of the world, marriages are arranged. Forced marriages are illegal in some jurisdictions.

Marriage can be recognized by a state, an organization, a religious authority, a tribal group, a local community or peers. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is a marriage without religious content carried out by a government institution in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction, and recognised as creating the rights and obligations intrinsic to matrimony. Marriages can be performed in a secular civil ceremony or in a religious setting via a wedding ceremony. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved, and any offspring they may produce. In terms of legal recognition, most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit marriage to opposite-sex couples or two or more persons of opposite gender in the gender binary, and a diminishing number of these permit polygyny, child marriages, and forced marriages. Over the twentieth century, a growing number of countries and other jurisdictions have lifted bans on and have established legal recognition for interracial marriage, interfaith marriage and most lately, same-sex marriage.^[3] Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment. Polygamous marriages may also occur in spite of national laws.

Since the late twentieth century, major social changes in Western countries have led to changes in the demographics of marriage, with the age of first marriage increasing, fewer people marrying, and many couples choosing to cohabit rather than marry. For example, the number of marriages in Europe decreased by 30% from 1975 to 2005.^[4]

Historically, in most cultures, married women had very few rights of their own, being considered, along with the family's children, the property of the husband; as such, they could not own or inherit property, or represent themselves legally (see for example coverture). In Europe, the United States, and a few other places, from the late 19th century throughout the 21st century, marriage has undergone gradual legal changes, aimed at improving the rights of women. These changes included giving wives a legal identity of their own, abolishing the right of husbands to physically discipline their wives, giving wives property rights, liberalizing divorce laws, and requiring a wife's consent when sexual relations occur. These changes have occurred primarily in Western countries. In the 21st century, there continue to be controversies regarding the legal status of married women, legal acceptance or leniency towards violence within marriage (especially sexual violence), traditional marriage customs such as dowry and bride price, forced marriage, marriageable age, and criminalization of consensual behaviors such as premarital and extramarital sex.

Following conventional thingking, to be unmarried in Indonesia is to remain a child, regardless of one’s age. Marriage is a pivotal rite of passage by which people reach adulthood and become recognized community members. To remain single constituites a social aberration for most Indonesians, who wonder how lone people in the world find any human joy or meaning to life. Moreover, to exist without children is a tragedy. Indonesians regard childless Westerners with sadness, remarking.

Marriage in Islam is a muslim so that human nature can bear the most responsibility mandate in himself against people who are most entitled to education and maintenance. Marriage has the most benefit to other social interests. Social interests it is maintaining the continuity of the human kind, nurturing offspring, maintaining the safety of the public from all kinds of diseases that could endanger human life as well as maintain the serenity of soul.

Marriage has a very noble goals that form a happy family, based on the immortal divinity of the one true God. This is in accordance with the formula contained in Act No. 1 of 1974 article 1 that: "marriage is a bond between the inner and the birth of a woman with a man as husband and wife with the aim of forming a family (household) are happy and remain upon the divinity of the one true God."

According to the formula, the marriage is not enough with a bond born or inner alone but should be both ways. With the bonds of birth and marriage is one's inner works of the law, in addition to religious works. As the legal act from acts that give rise to consequences of law either rights or obligations for both, whereas as a result of religious deeds because in practice always is associated with the teachings of their respective religions and beliefs from ancient already gave the rules of how the wedding was to be held.

In terms of Islam, the terms valid marriage is important especially to specify since when a pair of men and women that permitted sexual intercourse thus freed from his philandering. Adultery is a very dirty deeds and can ruin people's lives. In Islam, adultery is a sin of which not only into private affairs is concerned with God, but included violations of the law and is obliged to provide criminal sanctions against doing it. Indonesia's majority Muslim, Islamic law strongly influenced the attitude of moral and legal consciousness of the people.

The religion of Islam using a simple marriage of tradition, with the goal of keeping a person doesn't get stuck or lapsed into fornication. Simple procedures that appear to be in line with Act No. 1 of 1974 article 2 paragraph 1 of which reads: "marriage is valid if done according to the law of their respective religions and beliefs." From the article it seems like giving opportunities for unwanted evils customary law to follow and even combined with Islamic law in marriage. In addition to that caused by the awareness of the society that wants so. One of the ways marriage customs still seem to date is not recorded on the marriage officials who authorized or called nikah siri. This marriage was only carried out in front of the King or religion by fulfilling the Islamic jurisprudence so that this marriage is not recorded in the Office until the authorities for it.

Marriage is valid in terms of pillars and have satisfied the marriage. As for which is included in the tenets of marriage are as follows:

Parties that implement the Covenant of marriage of the groom and the woman.

The presence of Akkad (sighat), namely the words of the guardian of women or his Deputy (consent) and accepted by the groom or his Deputy (kabul).

The guardian of the prospective wife.

The presence of two witnesses.

When one of the conditions is not met, then the marriage is not considered valid, and there has never been a marriage. Therefore it is haraam for him who does not meet the pillars to hold intercourse or any religious restrictions in the Association. Thus when the four pillars that are already being met then the marriage is conducted legally valid.

The above marriage according to Islamic law is considered valid, if the marriage is linked to the provisions of Act No. 1 of article 2 paragraph 2 in 1974 about marriage that reads: "each marriage is recorded according to the applicable laws and regulations." Be affirmed in the same law on article 7 paragraph 1 stating that marriages are only allowed when the man reaches the age of 19 years and the women has reached 16 years of age. If still not old enough, at Chapter 7 verse 2 tells us that the marriage can be validated by requesting a dispensation to the Court or other officials requested by the parents the man or the woman.

Gender Roles in Marriage

Gender roles play a major role in today's society. They determined whether a woman in colonial times would be allowed out of her own house without her husband beside her. They were also a major issue as to whether women should be able to join the workforce..  Throughout history, gender roles, either imposed by society or created within the home, have altered dynamics within the home and society.  However, gender roles have changed throughout time. Gender roles are the behaviors, attitudes, values and other things that a particular culture considers appropriate for males and females. gender roles have adapted over time. These traditional gender roles apply to married life and marriage in general. Gender roles, in effect, play a major role in the quality of a marriage and how people want their ideal marriage to be. Traditional home-maker/breadwinner type is a household in which the husband only works and his wife runs the home. The mixed type is a household in which the wife's work is less absorbing than the husband's, and therefore, she takes on more of the household tasks and looks after the children. In an egalitarian type household, both male and female partners have equally absorbing work; household tasks and looking after the children are shared equally.

Men's Role in Marriage

This study focused mainly on the effects of gender roles and society on women, but what about the men? In the model family of the 1950s, the man was the sole breadwinner. Today only 9.8% of the population is married couples with children where the husband is the sole breadwinner. (Bureau of Labor Statistics, 1985) Families where both parents work are more common today. The study “New Father Roles” by Ronald F. Levant discusses change in the father's roles and also presents both arguments on if a change has occurred. The depiction of men as more compassionate and nurturing in advertising is evidence for a change in the previous stereotypes of fathers as aggressive. The second example of change is increased desire for and evidence of flexibility in the man's work schedule so that he can be at home more. The third example is resistance by males to job relocation. 

Evidence against the new father role reveals that the man's role in the home has not changed much since the 1950's. The woman is still doing the majority of the housework. While men's participation has increased, their contribution to family work is still only a third of their wives. Gender roles in marriage have been changing across time.  Due to more women in the workplace and other social changes, people have desired more egalitarian relationships since the 1960s.  But our research also reveals that while women often have a career, it is very stressful for them to have both a career and marriage.  Women are still doing the majority of the housework in the home despite more opportunities for careers.   

According to Dr. Phil, if men want to be successful in their marriage and family life, they have to change and broaden their definition of what it means to be successful as a man. Being a good provider, protector, leader and teacher is a privilege that comes with responsibilities that many men aren't aware of.

A Provider
Most men believe that being a good provider means supporting a family financially. It means much more than that. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family. In order to do this, he must recognize that there are other currencies, in addition to money, that need to be provided.

A Protector
This means more than beating up the guy next door if he insults your wife. It means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth as well as your children's. It can also mean protecting your way of life and guarding against any threats to the things that you and your family value.

A Leader
Instead of waiting for your wife to take the initiative when you are having problems, take the lead. Get in the game and create what you want in your family instead of whining about your family situation. Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It's a 100/100 partnership. That means you give 100 percent. And remember, you get what you give.

A Teacher
What are you teaching those around you — especially your children — with your behavior? It's important to provide a good example for your children, loved ones and community with both words and deeds. Set high standards and teach by doing.

Conclusion

Most of the marriage style choices were due to experience instead of selection.  Most people based their choice on education, family background, and religious affiliation.  Sometimes people that leaned towards a traditional marriage were in general more religious and wanted to get married at a younger age and stick to traditional gender roles. People that preferred mixed valued education and generally had both partners working, at least until children entered the picture then they made more of a switch to traditional, then returning to egalitarian after the children were in school.  The egalitarian marriages valued education and women’s self sufficiency while religion had little or no influence. Some of these marriage choice styles could be due to selection, all of these children were born in to middle-class household which predisposes them to the concerted cultivation style of parenting and makes them more efficient and successful socially.  They will probably seek mates like this and live a mixed life style.

And nowdays the relationship starts out as more egalitarian but tends to move towards traditional as the marriage progresses and children are entered in to the family.